A look inside the preferred mode of travel of ‘a simple, 10-acres crofter’

VELARUSE
The crofter’s choice…the Range Rover Velar.
by Colin Campbell

ROSS MP and SNP Westminster leader Ian Blackford proclaims himself a “simple 10-acres crofter”.

Well my father was, in fact, a 20-acres crofter.

And Ian Blackford claimed more in expenses in 2018/19 than he made working our 20-acre croft in his life.

He passed away some years ago, still lean, hardy, with calloused hands and a weather beaten face. That’s how a crofter grafting on the land from dawn till dusk every day of the year looks like.

In contrast to Blackford, plump, puce-faced, and by the look of him with skin as delicately smooth as a male model for Boohoo. Which is absolutely the only resemblance between Blackford and any male model on the planet.

Part of the work of a crofter frequently involves having to wrestle a sheep to the ground in order to treat its hooves, for things like footrot. 

If Blackford tried to wrestle a sheep to the ground the sheep would win by three technical knockdowns and a submission.

It emerged last week that he claimed £256,000 in expenses from Westminster in 2018/19, plus his huge salary on top of that, milking to the full a system he claims he wants to destroy. 

This SNP idol and inveterate champion of the poor recently bought his wife a new Range Rover Velar, presumably to add to the family fleet, with a price range from £45,710 to £86,725, according to the Carwow motoring website.

Here’s their review of the preferred mode of travel for the modern-day crofter: “The Range Rover Velar is a stylish SUV which comes with a futuristic cabin but still manages to offer a practical boot. If the original Land Rovers were a traditional wax jacket then the Velar is a modern, slim-fit rain mack. It’s got more visual presence than the likes of the BMW X3 or Audi Q5 outside, and inside it almost matches the Mercedes GLC in the elegance stakes.

“Even entry-level cars come with a clever dual-screen infotainment system that should impress you and passengers alike, while range-topping HSEs also get a digital driver’s display. This replaces the normal speedo and rev-counter dials and is a bit like the Audi Q5’s Virtual Cockpit. Passengers will find getting comfy in the Velar a pretty easy task, particularly in the front. 

“With a 558-litre boot, the Velar is well up to taking all the stuff that family life demands, and there are plenty of handy hooks and tether points dotted around for securing smaller items. You can press a button to lower the back to make getting heavier items in and out that bit easier. The back seats can be dropped in a three-way (40:20:40) split. This means you can carry a couple of passengers and some long luggage at the same time. 

“The Velar name comes from the very first Range Rover prototypes, but there is nothing old-fashioned about this modern car with its stunning looks and tonnes of high-tech features.”

It sounds ideal for Blackford, apart from the “slim fit” bit. There could be a problem there.

My father never quite got into the stylish, futuristic, elegant, infotainment, button-pressing luxury vehicle category. He drove a Morris Minor. That’s what a 20-acres crofter aspired to by saving up very hard-earned money.

Ian Blackford manages to cruise around in a different world. That’s what being a “10-acres crofter” raking in over £300,000 a year from Westminster and being a noisy and resolute “champion of the poor” gets for you.

He seems to have made a point of turning the hard crofting lifestyle into his deeply unfunny personal joke, casually laughing in the faces of those who know how hard it can be.

 

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